Muslim Mama

Resolution Antithesis

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:09:00 +0000

I stopped doing resolutions a long time ago. Maybe I've grown cynical. Perhaps, I'm subconsciously afraid of failure. Either way, this new year, I'll focus on my good points, and the things that I need to improve on will continue to be a jihad for me--No need to pick a day to start these things only to fall out and conviently forget about them in a few weeks or days.

For instance, every new year resolution in my recent memory has focused on either losing weight or getting in shape. And guess what? I'm still fat and me running on the treadmill is about as common as a rhinocerous on a parasail. But, I did join weight watchers this past month and I did manage to lose about fifteen pounds of my baby weight. I also joined a gym and grudgingly enjoy the circuit training classes minus said treadmill. I want to do this to be healthy. I'll keep striving every day, no matter what the calendar says.

I'm also a bit of a slob and rather unorganized. Therefore, any given day my house might be a wreck. I wittingly clean the kitchen/dining room/living room/bathroom, you know, any place unexpected company might see. But the basement and bedrooms only get a good cleaning every blue moon.

Oh crap, we just had one, a blue moon that is. Did you know that? Blue moon actually means two full moons in one month, which happens every two and a half years or so. Well, I do clean up the basement more frequently than that, so I guess I'm above even the high standards I set for myself.

But who really cares? It's not that the house is filthy or anything. It's just that two sloppy adults and four even sloppier young ~~monkey's~~ children live there and the only one that happens to clean is mom who is as already mentioned a self-described slob. Like I throw my work clothes on the floor as soon as I peel them off of my tired body, not like a "Hoarders" slob. I don't want anyone to get the wrong ideae. Have you seen this show? Disgusting!

And while I'm on the subject, do I really want to be that souless WASP housewife who only cares about outward appearances and must keep herself and her house flawless at all times. Now I'm sure there are many women who are simply type A and love to keep everything just so and organized, but that's just not me. I'd rather be reading, or dinking around on the computer, or even better, tickling my kids or hanging out on the front porch anyday. Be yourself only.

So out with the "I want to lose 25 pounds this year" or the "I'm going to try and be more organized" resolutions.

I'm just going to keep being me. After 35 years I've learned to like myself, stomach rolls, messy house and all.

So Happy New Years all. And may your resolutions be long lasting, your goals achieved, and your heart happy.

Sensible Shoes

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:33:00 +0000

I wear sensible shoes.

The kind of dulled leather, scuff marked, with thick soles.
They carry me strong, through filthy parking lots, over garbage strewn streets and cavernous suburbanite lawns.

They are the shoes of stringy haired, pale women with tired darkened eyes.
Campanions to mini-vans and grocery shopping, dirty dishes, diapers, PTA meetings, and scouring powder.

Nemeses to wild and uncivilized children.

I've tried their more glamorous counterparts:
High heels, feminine and sophisticated,
Golden wrappings for soft pink toes.
But these are the shoes of bound feet, wobbly and unreliable
Stifling and sluggish.

Not to be trusted.

They cannot carry me
Or hold me like an old committed lover,
Cradling loose cracked flesh and calluses.
Firm and steady.

Hijabi in The Sartorialist

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:36:00 +0000

Tuttie first blogged about this. The Sartorialist is a very popular fashion blog who takes pics of random fashionable people on the streets of the world. It's nice to see a Muslimah getting props. And what a beautiful sister, mashallah.

Pet Peeves: A List

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:35:00 +0000

Cultural Muslims

Sisters who make every conversation about hijab

Rascists

Lady Ga Ga

Using the word "Retard" or "Retarded" to make fun of another person

Putting.Periods.Between.Words.To.Be.Emphatic

Using the word "much" after an adjective as in "annoying much?"

People who blow themselves up with the hopes of taking innocent people with them

The lady who brings bags of chocolates to work everyday and shares them with everyone, therby seriously derailing my diet and putting me in a sugar coma

Closed minded people

My husband leaving trash on the counter top when the garbge can is just 2 feet away

Being of the opinion that music is haram

Backbiting

Biting my tongue while chewing gum, causing it to swell and then biting it again

Wearing hijab in the summer when the AC goes out in my car

Fox News having the nerve to claim they're unbiased

Islamophobes who think they know everything about Islam because they once read a Robert Spencer book

Holocaust deniers

Barriers in the masjid

Trashy, overtly sexual, S & M acts on the American Music Awards

Reality TV shows (except the Biggest Loser)

9/11 conspirists

Michael Buble

Wal-Mart

The fact that I have to shop at Wal-Mart due to budget limitations

The gnawing fear which keeps me up at night that I will someday find myself on the website The People of Wal-Mart

That is all...carry on.

Strong Medicine

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 07:49:00 +0000

http://www.courier-journal.com/blogs/faith/2009/11/muslims-critics-challenged.html

Muslims & critics challenged
Shaykh Hamza Yusuf has strong medicine for American Muslims -- and their critics.

American Muslims "should really stop complaining," start contributing more to society, get to know your neighbors and oppose the dangerous versions of Islam that have migrated to this country.

To critics: Stop demanding Muslims apologize for every act of violence committed by someone in the name of Islam, and recognize that Muslims throughout the world have suffered tremendous violence in recent decades.

One might think such messages would shrink Yusuf's audience, yet the Islamic scholar has become a much-sought speaker among Muslims -- particularly young ones seeking American-accented expressions of their faith.

He delivered these messages to several hundred earlier in November at the annual banquet of the Council of Islamic Organizations of Kentucky. He drew strong applause from the crowd, and many lined up afterward for his book signing.

Yusuf is an American-born convert who studied Islam and Arabic in the Middle East. He founded Zaytuna Institute, an Islamic college in California, and has drawn attention beyond the Muslim world especially after the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001, when he hailed the murdered firefighters and police officers as the true martyrs of that day.

Yusuf quipped during his Louisville speech that as a convert, some view him as "the most dangerous kind" of Muslim and that like many Muslims he's been subjected to extensive airport screenings.

But past American immigrants such as Yusuf's Irish ancestors would love to exchange their struggles for "a little searching at the airports," he said.

"Of all immigrants -- with the possible exception of the Hindu migration after the 1965 immigration act -- nobody has had it easier than the Muslims," he said. "If you want to talk about difficulties, talk to the Chinese Americans about their history. Talk to the Japanese Americans about their history. â€¦ If you think everybody's going to embrace and help you and say, 'Welcome to America,' you have not read American history. â€¦ You have to prove yourselves."

Catholics, he said, built hospitals, charities and schools so good that Protestants began sending their children to them.

"Now Catholics are part of this country," he said.

And Muslims will be, too, he said, "when we open the free clinics in the worst part of town, when we start feeding people, when we start taking care of our African-American brothers."

He lamented that many Muslim immigrants are "milking the cow" -- getting wealthy while "we have inner-city mosques that can't pay the electricity bill."

But not all the criticism was inward.

"A community is enfranchised when that community is not blamed for what individual members of that community do," he said, speaking just days after the Fort Hood massacre of 13 soldiers, which authorities said was carried out by a Muslim Army doctor.

"The fact that I must have to apologize or say anything about Fort Hood as an American Muslim -- that this has anything to do with me or anything to do with my community" shows that enfranchisement hasn't arrived yet, Yusuf said.

"I don't know people who go into a room and shoot everybody up, and I certainly don't want to meet them and I certainly hope I'm not praying next to somebody like that," he said. "Every religion has these problems."

He cited Baruch Goldstein, an American-educated Israeli medical doctor who massacred 29 Muslims at a West Bank shrine in 1994.

No one, he said, claims that Goldstein represented Judaism or that Jews needed to explain themselves.

"People say it seems like the Muslims have more problems than other people," Yusuf said. "First of all, there are a lot more Muslims than other people, so we're going to have a higher count of nut cases than other groups, just statistically.

"But we're also under siege in many places," he said. "We've got Muslims that are being humiliated in Palestine, in Kashmir, in certain parts of the Russian republic, Bosnia-Herzegovina, â€¦ Albania, China. Muslims have been victims of a lot of human suffering." Somalis and Afghans, he said, have suffered decades of warfare rooted in Cold War politics.

But understanding causes of violence doesn't justify it, he said.

"We have versions of Islam out there that are deeply troubling, that are very dangerous. Some of them have been brought to these shores. If people want to adhere to those things, they need to go other places."

But, he said: "There are so many Muslims who are dying to get here, literally. They don't want to blow up America. They want to work at 7-Eleven."

Eid Mubarek, Oh Yeah and Happy Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:22:00 +0000

This year it's interesting that Thanksgiving and the Eid fall so closely together. It's like a virtual food fest, a real diet buster.

My Mom's cooking a very untraditional Thansgiving this year and I just had to have my turkey and dressing, pumkin pie, and green bean casserole. So last night I cooked the whole spectacle for just me, the hubs, and kids. As always, I overate, and those tryptophans kicked in, and I just did nothing but laze around the rest of the night.

Today, I'm fasting for the day of Arafah, whose benefits include an expiation of the years sins. May Allah swt accept it from me.

Isn't it interesting, that when you're fasting no matter how much water you drink at fajr, and even if that was just an hour or two ago, you wake up absolutely parched (I usually go back to sleep after fajr). I don't usually wake up and immediatly think "damn I'm thirsty" first thing. I guess it's the mind and body knowing it's not going to get anything any time soon, so you want it more.

Tomorrow is also Black Friday, and as my husband's business is in the mall, and the busiest day of the year is tommorrow, he unfortunately won't be spending the day with us. I have no idea what I'm going to do yet...

Two Inspiring Blogs

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:05:00 +0000

I recently found these two blogs and have really enjoyed them. Traditional Islam, Sufism, and Robert Frost--right up my alley! Just thought I'd share.

http://salikah.blogspot.com/

http://kuhlsnotes.wordpress.com/

Why Do People Leave Islam

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:16:00 +0000

This morning I read that a very well known Australian revert, blogger and You Tube phenomenom has officially left Islam. I'm very saddened and I hope she finds her way back to the deen or at least finds some type of peace in this life.

Since this sister was so well known I can only imagine the hate comments she recieved daily from the usual Islamophobes, but also from other Muslims. Unfortunately, I can't help but think she is now possibly recieving threats from idiots and abusers, now that it is public.

It leaves me to wonder why people leave. As converts, the path to Islam can be a difficult one. Our families and friends generally don't accept the change. The pressures to go back to your old relligion and way of life can be trememdous. Other Muslims are just as bad, constantly nitpicking and criticising, often unwelcoming and sometimes hostile. This is not to mention the greater society full of it's own set of anxieties.

Since the beginning of Islam there have been thousands of scholars and students of the deen. Our history is a caucophony of different ideas and ideologies. Some today would have you think that if you don't follow their interpretation you're wrong or sinful. Don't believe them. No human being has a license to truth.

Islam is yours. Nuture it. Feed it. Let it grow and prosper within you. You may falter and that's okay too. Love the One. Give Him your humility and He will give peace.

Bismillaah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem
Wal 'Asr
Innal insaana lafee khusr
Illal ladhenna aamannu
Wa 'amilus saalihaati wa tawaasau bilhaqq
Wa tawaasau bis sabr

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful
Time is witness that, surely, mankind suffers loss,
except for those of faith,
Who do good, and become a model of truthful living,
and together practice patience and constancy.
Surah 103, Al Asr (The Time)

What's On Your IPod?

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:36:00 +0000

Well actually I'm too cheap to buy an ipod. I just have a little mp3 player that I listen to constantly to get me through my chores, etc.

I always have at at least one audiobook on it. Right now I have a really good book called Paradise Alley by Kevin Baker that I'm enjoying immensely. HIstorical fiction is probably my favorite genre and this one captures the tumult of the time perfectly.

Here's Publisher's Weekly review: In his second New York novel (after Dreamland), Baker takes a grisly event-the 1863 Civil War draft riots-and crafts a terrifying, human story bursting with all the calamity, brutality and power of the riots themselves, which may have been the worst civic disturbance in U.S. history. Baker, an American Heritage writer, bases his work largely on historic events-Lincoln's announcement of the draft law did in fact propel thousands of New Yorkers, mainly Irish, to burn and loot the city and murder hundreds of innocents. The book follows the difficult lives of Ruth, Deirdre and Maddy, three women living on Paradise Alley, a dingy Lower East Side passageway, during the five days of riots. Each chapter alternates among many voices, however; in addition to the women, Baker speaks through a New York Tribune reporter, an escaped slave, an immigrant boxer turned criminal, an army private, a volunteer fireman and other characters. The formula works brilliantly, giving Baker the opportunity to flash back to Ruth's survival of the Irish potato famine; the voyage she and so many Irish made from their ravaged country to America; and her future husband's journey from slavery in Charleston, S.C., to freedom in New Jersey. The combination of momentous events, tellingly real aspects of lower-class 19th-century life, and raw emotions like fear and pride make this a viscerally affecting story. Baker intertwines love, violence, history, adventure and social commentary to give readers an invigorating, heartbreaking tale of the immigrant experience. Amazon link here.

I also have an excellent lecture on Surah al Fatiha which I link to on my previoius post.

And now for the music. If you're one who has a moral or religious objection to music, then the rest of this post isn't for you.

But for all of you music lovers out there, I'd love to hear what you're listening to right now. Here's what's currently playing on my mp3 player:

Ani Difranco-- Probably my favorite singer songrwriter of all times. Listening to her music is like a soundtrack from my life and indeed she did accompany me through some very tough periods in my life. I love her so much I downloaded two of her songs for you to listen to if you feel so inclined.

A Tribe Called Quest-- Hip Hop from the nineties, what some call the golden age of hip hop. My fav "conscious" hip hop rappers. I love that they use a lot of old jazz and soul samples, giving nods to those who came before them.

Choir of Young Believers-- I just recently became aware of this band from a morning talk show I listen to, Kidd Kraddick in the morning. He has a segment called "Music that Makes You Cooler" that this band was featured on.

The Fray-- This is the band that probably has gotten the most air time on my current play list. I really enjoy their music. It's very accessible, like you can totally bob your head and sing along...

Imogen Heap-- How to describe her? Creative, European, unique. Her voice is beautiful over a plethora of different electronic melodies. You can listen to a song a hundred times and always hear something different.

Spoon-- Another band I just recently ran across on emusic. Can't help but like this song.

Ingrid Michaelson-- If you watch Grey's Anatomy you know that they feature really cool music from unknown indie type artists. Well, she's one. This particular song is a little more upbeat than alot of her others. A good morning song.

I also listen to a lot of classical: Mozart's Requiem, Tchaikovsky, Beetoven, Shostakovitch, Chopin, anything really.

So what are you listening to? I'd love some recommendations!

Creepy Crawly Things

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:16:00 +0000

It happens twice a year. Once in the late spring when it starts to become really warm. And once in the fall when it cools down. The time of year I dread. The time of the season they come slinking in. I become the helpless woman, the kitten stuck up the tree. What brings me to this state, you ask? Those hideous eight legged creatures, arachnida araneida, otherwise known as spiders.

Just the sight of one of these horrific fiends makes my heart pound, my legs quiver, and is often met with a shrill and piercing scream...

It's silly really, a grown woman shrinking at the site of a creature a millionth of my size. Back when I was young and still under the impression of the famous classic "Charlotte's Web" I would try to capture them in a cup or jar and set them free. No more, however, I go straight for the kill. Or if my husband's lucky enough to be home during one of these chaotic encounters I fervently insist that he do the killing.

Just the other morning, little Zainah was sitting at the dining room table enjoying her morning Honey Nut Cheerios when she spotted one of the beasts over by the dining room window. Apparently, my phobia has rubbed off on the children, because she started to holler "Spider! Spider!".

Sure enough the mother of all arachnoids was perched on my dining room curtains. I mean this thing was like the size of a golf ball. I began my shrieking and hurried her away into the back room as I went to go wake my slumbering husband. He scuttled into the kitchen, eyes barely open, promptly knocked the thing to the floor and proceeded to smash it with a shoe. Splat! He then stumbled back into the bedroom, without a word, crawled back into bed, and was met with a chorus of "Thank you Baba!" from his relieved wife and daughter.

I swear it makes my heart pound just to think about it.

Happiness Manifesto

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:40:00 +0000

I've been unhappy for the last couple of months. I wouldn't exactly call it a depression; It's definitely not some overwhelming moroseness that has overtaken my being. It's more of an underlying discontenment. I feel as though I've lost "me" somewhere. Somewhere in marriage and childrearing, the things that are important to me have shifted beneath my feet ant I've been replaced by a woman I hardly know. A woman who's main concern is what's for dinner, or if my kids have done their homework, or is my house clean enough for company. Yes, I have chosen this life, and I don't regret it. My children are truly the brightest spot in my life. I have all but to look at their precious perfect faces and I know there is a God. It's a spiritual thing, incomprehensible, arRahman irRahim...

But for me there always has to be more. Maybe it's a flaw, but I'm never quite content. I'm always yearning, yearning for more, for something, the unnamable. As a youth this led me into a long series of indeescretions and incredibly stupid and dangerous decision-making. Now as I'm approaching middle age, the ways in which I used to fill this void are unnacceptable and self destructive. I'm wise enough to know the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

So I've been thinking about the things I need to do to gain fullfillment at this point in my life. It's sort of a self written self help guide. I want to be healthy inside and out.

1. Spiritual fullfillment--Some say to turn to Allah and He will solve all your porblems. I don't even know what that means. Surely He may guide us, we can pray for strength and perseverence, but at the end of the day, life is what we make it, no? Calamities can befall us or we can have the best of luck and good fortune, all acts of Allah swt, but how we deal with it and lead our lives is what shapes our realities to a great extent. However, the diseases of the heart do stem from being away from Allah, and surely I feel very, very distant.
1. Salat--I'm going to be honest. This is something I've always struggled with since my conversion six years ago. It's not hard. Make ablution and spend five minutes at set times throughout the day worhipping your Lord. A beautiful concept, but many times, I just don't feel connected. It's like going throught the motions, up down up down and then it's over. I don't know how exactly to overcome it. Recently I've been listening to a fabulous lecture about surah al fatiha here. I've listened to about 2 hours and the lecturer is still on the bismallah. And you know what, it's incredibly interesting and most enlightening. This is what I need. I need to be enlightened, to be reminded of the beauty of Islam and our Creator. So I will continue.

2. Increase my reading and knowledge-- I guess this goes along with the enlightenment aspect. Book recommendations welcome. I would really like to read something on the beauty and spirituality of Islam. I'm not interested in the "rules" right now. I'm actually fairly familar with them, and it's just not doing it for me right now, although I will say there is symmetry and order in living this way of life. I just don't believe it is enough to get one through a crisis or any period of serious soul searching. Allah Alim.

Health and Wellness
My weight and physicality is something that has bothered me for several years. I must shed some of this weight and become more fit in the next 12 months.

Weight Loss--I've reopened my weight loss blog after much neglect. It's a place to hold myself accountable for everthing I put into my mouth and vent and share in my victories. I'm going to try my damnedest to update it daily, if only for a short reflection. I also have to be honest when I find myself falling back into my old ways. For now my goals are to excersice four days a week and keep to a 1500 calorie a day diet. I actually jogged today. Me, the one who hates jogging, and I loved it. Next May, I'm going to run in our local River Run. I might not be up to the 5 K or maybe I will, but they also have a two mile run. This is my longer term goal. That and to lose a total of 75 pounds.

Intellectual development
This is probably my greatest source of anxiety and feelings of loss. I feel about as intellectual as a rock right now.
1. Start writing again--This is something I love, but I haven't seriously put the pen to paper for a good decade now. I've never taken a formal creative writing class and I would love that. The problem lies in money and time, and what to do with the kids, and all the other aspects of life that gets in the way. There is a local informal group here. I'm thinking of checking it out, but then again, comes the question of whether or not I'd actually be able to get to the meetings. So I'm mulling this over. For now I will write. I'll post them here and I don't care if nobody reads them or think they're stupid or suckish, I'm doing this for me and my sanity.

So that's it for now. My manifesto. Three aspects of my self that I hope will grow with time, and you know it's not about what's on the other side, it's the climb and yes I did just quote a Miley Cyrus song! So much for that intellectual development I was talking about huh?

Camping Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 07:26:00 +0000

My Dad's been in town all week, and as is our usual fall tradition, we went camping out on the lake. Before I had children, we would rough it in a tent and sleeping bag, etc, but nowadays we rent a cabin. It's complete with all the modern ammenities and creature comforts which makes camping with young children much more enjoyable and certainly easier.

The drive out is a beautiful one. I've often heard people say that Kansas is so boring and flat, but I find it beautiful. Sure, it doesn't have the majesty of the Rocky's or the wonders of Yosemite, but it does have a very real and subtle beauty. My favorite part of my state is the flint hills--a unique place that is the home to the nations largest remaining tract of tallgrass prairie. I'm a prairie girl alright. I just love it. These pics don't do it justice by any means.

Apparently deer really like the prairie as well because we hit one on the way in! Thank God my dad was driving and didn't panic and no one got hurt. Well, no humans got hurt, the dear deer didn't fair as well. The front left hand side of the van sustained considerable damage, but amazingly after filing a police report for insurance purposes, we managed to drive out of there and onto the lake!
The van

Actual deer hair in the rim of the tire. I cannot believe it didn't blow.

Does anyone know if an animal killed in an accident could then be butchered and be techinically "halal"? Personally, if I had a pickup and some rope (and no kids to traumatize) I would have taken that big boy with me. It seemed like such a waste to just leave him there.

It was a cold and dreary day, but as soon as we got to camp we made a campfire of course!

Our cabin and the view off the front porch

We went to the playground and let the kids run off some energy.

Here's Yusef with Mommy all bundled up and cuddling in his sling.

Later, it was time for some serious hot dog roasting

And after dark, s'more makin' of course. As a side note, halal marshmallows are nowhere as good as the regular old store bought ones. At least the brand we use. They have a weird aftertaste. That didn't keep me from stuffing several down my throat, blackened of course. I actually like mine to catch on fire, or they're not considered done!

The kids having a blast with their glow sticks

I would have loved to have been able to stay more than just one night, but we had to get back to reality, school, and life. So that's it. Our annual family camping trip, and Yusef's first, with many more to come, inshallah.

Being a Mommy

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:03:00 +0000

There are so many things about motherhood that nobody ever told you about.

Yes, it is beautiful and the biggest most important job I will ever face. But it also challenging, infuriating, and just plain humiliating at times.

Lately I can't help but feel like a maid and servant to my children.

My entire day is spent picking up messes. Trash and clothes all over their bedroom floor. Toys thrown casually across the living room. Spending two hours on dinner just to hear the older ones whine about how they don't like it and why don't I ever make anything "good".

Have you ever taken four children out to the grocery or anywhere for that matter? First comes the major undertaking of just getting them all ready and loaded into the car. Then the stares when the whine and bicker and throw fits, all the while knowing I won't spank them in public or yell or put them in time out.

In the past 24 hours I've spent 6 of them in the ER with my sick and wailing 2 year old. I've been peed on, I've been hit and screamed at (by same 2 year old), I've undergone countless eye rolls at my expense, I've worked a greuling 12 hour shift on next to no sleep. This week I'll go to two doctor's appointments and watch my children undergo two seperate medical procedures. Yes, we're the king of all families with strange and interesting medical conditions.

By the end of the day I'm exhausted. No time for reading. I feel like my mind is mush. I used to have INTELLECTUAL conversations with interesting people. Now my most interesting conversations are about whether or not Optimus Prime can kick Darth Vader's butt or does Strawberry Shortcake have a mommy and if so where did she go.

That's the thing I miss the most. Stimulating and meaningful study. I just don't have time for it anymore. There's a million books I'd love to read and discuss on as many topics. I've compensated some by delving into the realm of the audiobook. I download them from my local library and listen to them while engaging in my otherwise boring and monotomous chores. I just listened to "Great Expectations" and enjoyed it very much. I'm currently "reading" Toole's "A Confederacy of Dunces" which makes me laugh and cringe at the same time.

I've seriously considered closing this blog. I just don't feel that I have energy to contribute anything meaningful to the blogosphere. Likewise I'm sorry if I'm not reading and commenting on everyone else's blogs.

Yes, I'm whining and wallowing in self pity. The true beauty of motherhood isn't in day to day life. Day to day life pretty much sucks and it is hard and it is a struggle.

The true beauty is surviving those rough patches to be rewarded with your 4 year old telling you that you're the "bestest mommy I've ever had", hearing your 7 year old recite the planets of the solar system, seeing your babies face light up when he sees you, and hearing your 2 year old say a word for the first time.

These are the moments that make it all worth it.

Our Fun and Crazy Eid

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:48:00 +0000

We had a really good Eid this year. As it started I was somewhat skeptical because I worked the night before, a 13 hour shift. I got homr 45 minutes before the start of the Eid salat. Got myself ready and did the girl's hair, took some Advil and then out the door.

When we got to the masjid, we literally had to park over half a mile a way. I got my morning excercise jogging while pushing a double stroller and herding two other chldren at the same time.

As I walked into the masjid the first takbir of the salat started and I walked directly into the line. As the imam started the Quran recitation I started bawling like a baby. I always do that when praying in Jumuah. I don't know why. I become overcome in emotion and gratitude. I was also thinking how nice it was that this is probably the first Eid prayer that I've attended that one of the kids wasn't crying the whole time, or hanging all over my legs. So I'm standing there in absolute peace and awe at our Creator when Zainah runs directly in front of me while doing the pee pee dance, all the while yelling "Mama I have to go pee pee". I was scared to death she was just gonna let loose right there, and I kept frantically pointing to the bathroom which was all I could do without getting out of the line. Leave it to kids to keep your feet on the ground.

Luckily we avoided any embarrassing accidents.

Here's Zainah enjoying a donut after the prayer

Somaya stuffing her face with candy

After most of the people had cleared out we started the long journey back to the car. See that last row of barely discernable cars?

We decided to stop for some family pics.

I just had to laugh at this one. Somaya was screaming into my shoulder because she hates having her picture taken. This was such a typical moment in any given time in our household

Family picture

Next we went to some Bangladeshi people's house for an early lunch. We had Biryani, salad and some delicious sweets whose names I can't pronounce. I love Desi food!

Then off to Wal-Mart to let the kids pick their presents. We had our friend's lovely daughter with us as they both had to work. We bought her a gift also and she picked that tween movie "Camp Rock" which we then went home and watched. It had to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen in all my life. I actually kind of have problems with these young girls and the modern day idol worship they engage in with some of these young stars. But how could I say no? That's what she wanted and I knew her mom would be okay with it. So there we have it. She was in heaven though.

Here they are with all their presents

After ~~wasting my time~~ watching the movie, we walked over to some Indonesian neighbors of ours that were having a lunch for Eid. It was a very multicultual day.
At this point I was exhausted having been awake and running for well over 24 hours so I had to go home and take a two hour nap. Husband watched the kids during this time, and basically let them trash the house and run wild. Oh well, they were having a blast.

After my nap, we went to our usual Eid gathering at some friends house and had some yummy Arabic food and I got to hang out with some good sisters and good friends. I went home stuffed and happily tired.

This was Nathan and Zainah when we got home

I also want to extend a special Eid mubarek to my sweet little Yusef. It was his first Eid, and incidentally his first time ever wearing shoes :) Eid Mubarek my sweet boy.

The Message and the Miracle

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:08:00 +0000

A Must Watch!!!
A very interesting lecture about the importance, no the imperative to learn Arabic. One excellent point is made about how there are two aspects of the Quran, the message and the miracle. While the message can be relayed (albeit clumsily) through translation, the miracle is lost.

May Allah swt make it easy for those of us struggling to learn the language of his Revelation and reward us for our struggles. Amen.

Welcome Your Fellow Sisters

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 08:45:00 +0000

Tonight at the iftar at our masjid I noticed a fellow sister all alone in the corner. I had noticed her before, at a previous iftar. I'm not sure why, at the time, I though she was perhaps working for a caterer as sometimes people who sponser the meals use caterers to help with the event. Tonight I noticed her, sitting maybe ten feet behind me, all alone.

When I got the chance and she walked by where I was sitting, a reached out to her and gave her my salams. I introduced myself and made small talk. I smiled at her. I introduced her to a few other good sisters I know. I'm not a super extroverted person and often find myself awkward in new social situations. Perhaps, this is why I'm sensitive to new members in the community; I had such a hard time fitting in after I converted.

I'm not sure why new people in the community don't get welcomed in a proper way and and made to feel part of the community. It seems when attending events, everyone cloisters themselves into their own little groups, often separated by nationality and cultures. Newcomers often don't even get a second glance, a smile, a "Salam Alaikum". I do hate to make the comparison, but it is in the extreme opposite of what I found pre-conversion at Christian churches, where newcomers were welcomed, phone numbers exchanged, and smiles and hello's in abundance.

So remember our sister's, new converts, or just new to your community. If you notice someone alone at an event make an attempt to say hello and remember even a smile is sadaqa, inshallah.

Why Blogging Is Like High School

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 11:13:00 +0000

There's the telltale cliques. In blogging world it's a little different than the high school experience, yet still eerily the same.

1. The Cheerleaders; subcategories: jocks, preps, popular girls

In Highschool: These girls are often looked up to for their beauty, charm and wit. They are stylish and put together. They have strong personalities and ooze confidence. Others fall all over themselves to get their attention. Often times this group will go to extreme lengths to maintain their superiority and disdain all forms of criticism.

In the blogosphere: They retain many of the above qualities. They often have hundreds of devoted followers. There blogs are fun to read, sometimes intellectually devoid, although usually sharp and occasionally poignant.

2. The Nerds; subcategories: geeks, band nerds, teacher's pets.

In high school: These people are often the outcasts but are known for their intelligence and expertise. The often are single minded in their enterprises and resist change or a shake up in the routine or status quo. They often stick to themselves and show enmity towards the other groups.

In the blogosphere: These are the people whose blogs are totally and solely about Islam. They often adhere to the strictest form of Islam, quoting scholars and following their own madhab down to the letter. Their posts are sometimes enlightening and inspirational, sometimes out of touch or obsolete, always austere and earnest. They are often times subject to ridicule from the other cliques and likewise tend to be distrusting and judgemental of others outside their group.

3. The Eccentrics; subcategories: hippies, slackers, goths.
In High School: These are the free spirits, the loners. They are often intelligent and rebellious. They go against the grain simply for the sake of doing so. They are inherently mistrustful of the establishment and stick with their own kind with great ferocity and loyalty. Sometimes they fail to see their own shortcomings and make decisions solely in the spirit of non-conformity.

In the blogosphere: These sisters are often more concerned with political awareness and exposing the wrongdoers and the wronged within the ummah. They're not afraid to question the scholars or often blatantly disagree with the consensus even upon receiving proofs from the Quran or hadith. Much about Islam is left to ijtihad of the individual and sometimes the rules and regulations are questioned or even shunned. This group is often accused of being kaffir or simply disregarded completely by the other groups. This group really couldn't give a shi*, though.

A lot of us fall into one or more of the cliques or somewhere in between. Most of us, though, have a close group of friends and are just trying to make our way through the world while attaining better knowledge and understanding while making some friends along the way.

I don't believe blogging has to be a popularity contest. We should be expressing our thoughts as human beings and most of all supporting and loving our fellow sisters. We don't get an award for being the most loved or most popular. Or maybe someone should start a "Prom Queen" blogger award. Or more like it a "Mean Girls" award.

It could look like this

or even better

Hint: From the movie "Carrie", a nice little lesson on the dangers of high school bullying.

The greatest similarity and most insidious analogy to high school is the bullying and coercion that takes place in these blogs and among bloggers. I belong to 3 basic blogging groups: the Down syndrome blogs, the weight loss blogs, and the muslimah blogs.

Guess which group routinely engages in infighting, backbiting, and a gang mentality against all others who disagree with their views or posts? Yep, you guessed it. The only group religiously mandated to avoid gossip, poor speech and mistreatment of their comrades: The Muslimah's.

In the relatively short time I've been blogging I've seen several bloggers virtually ran off of the blogosphere. I've seen sisters gang up on other sisters. I've seen name calling and disparaging remarks being thrown around like it was nothing. I've seen people hurt and I've seen sister's disillusioned with Islam and with the Ummah.

I'm 34 years old. I've been out of high school for a long time. I didn't care for it much when I was there and spent many years running like hell to forget it. I burned many bridges.

And I'm not about to go back now.

"And backbite not one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.'' (49:12)

Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "Who is the most excellent among the Muslims?'' He said, "One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure.''[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

The Most Gracious

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 04:30:00 +0000

My love, my adoration, let each breath i take be for you ya raab...

First Few Days of Ramadan

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 13:46:00 +0000

Salam Alaikum sisters

Ramadan is going well so far al humdullilah. I worked the first two days, but I work third shift which posed an interesting challenge. It's nice to have a legitimate reason to sleep during the day, but I have to break my fast on the run and then try to figure out a time and a place to pray salat. Yesterday morning I had a really bad patient (I'm a nurse) and didn't even get to have suhoor, just sucked down some water right before the fajr time. Alhumdullilah, Allah made it easy for me and I got through the day with no problem.

So I was off last night and tonight and back to work Wednesday and Thursday. After that though I have eight days off! This weekend I plan on going to Taraweah for the first time in several years. Our masjid is having babysitting on the weekends now during taraweah inshallah. I've not really been able to go with four young children for the last several years. I'm really looking forward to this.

Last night I made a nice dinner of shish barak, fasoulia, rice and a green salad. My husband and I ate iftar together and then prayed magrib with all the children. That was interesting to say the least since they spent most of their time correcting each other or laughing at Soamaya. Isn't it funny how kids just love sujood. They can be dancing around and laughing and generally being bad and then when it's time for sujood, they get all serious and put their head to the ground. Subhanallah! It's like there's something innate about this prostration to Allah swt that kids really tune into. It's still to me one of the greatest reasons why I love Islam. The purity of the worship. The integrity of the Deen that we Muslims have managed to maintain over the centuries. To me there is no more natural way to worship the One than in prostration.

A Day in the LIfe

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:43:00 +0000

Today was Nathan's first day of second grade! He goes to a magnet school whose focus is on environmental education. They get to do all kinds of cool outdoor projects and even have camping trips.
Here's him in the car as we were leaving:

I forgot to take the camera in with us as we got him settled in his classroom. Oh well, it would have just embarrass him anyway.

We had a nice downpour as I was driving back

Back to the house and the other little ones were up and ready for breakfast

Yusef had his as well. He's getting pretty good at holding his bottle!

Next is bath time

All cleaned up and ready to run our errand to Wally World for some supplies

This is how we roll

Back to the house for Dhuhr

I do a little decorating with some cheap stuff I bought at Walmart

Pleased with the results

Lunch and now time for a little cleaning

Gotta have my coffee and Mp3 player for this. I download free audiobooks from my local library's website. I'm currently listening to a garden variety serial killer suspense type thriller. It makes the chores so much more fun!

Picking Nathan up at the bus stop

Cookin' up some dinner for the family. I made BBQ chicken tostadas ala Weight Watchers from this recipe. It was really good and something different

Here's my plate. Yummy and not too calorically disastrous

This is the point in the evening where all hell breaks loose as usual. Cleaning up the dinner mess, squabbling cranky children, getting them ready for bed. The usual. Poor little Yusef had another seizure at this time as well. It's so stressful seeing this happen to your child.

Time for

I finally got them off to bed by 8:30 when a thunderstorm moves in and they all end up congregating in my bed. I love Kansas thunderstorms, but they don't go well with little ones. So I made myself some green tea with lemon and ginseng and enjoyed the storm

Finally got them off to bed and I'm curling up with my hero, Frederick Douglass.

Nighty Night all...

Alhumdu lillahi rabbi al Aalameen for blessing me with another day. Ameen.

Remember Those Who Suffer

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 09:21:00 +0000

First of all I apologize in advance to those of you who are truly suffering in these times of economic recession. I understand that many people have lost their jobs, and some even their homes.

So at the risk of sounding extremely callous and cold hearted, I'm frankly getting tired of hearing all the stories of my poor fellow countrymen, especially when the majority are not suffering at all, but merely having to lower their standards of living. Inshallah, this recession is temporary, and soon we can all start spending with wild abandon again, consuming to our hearts desire.

Case in point: I was watching CNN yesterday, when there was piece dealing with people who are having to move out of state to find jobs. It showcased a man who was leaving his wife and children behind so he could seek work out of state. He was driving a Mercedes Benz and the house they were selling was a multi-million dollar property in an extremely high end neighborhood.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for these people?

Another headline that was in the news recently was the Bernie Madhoff debacle. In case you don't follow current events, this man Bernie Madhoff wrangled people out of millions of dollars using a Ponzi scheme. This was huge news for several days. Massive amounts of interviews were conducted with his "victims". They were all complaining about how they lost millions to his scheme. And you know what? They were all still sitting in their plush Manhattan apartments, bemoaning the millions lost.

Please get a grip America. This is not the Great Depression. You are not starving. You are not suffering. The poor were poor before this recession, and they will continue to be so after this is all a distant memory to the rest of us.

Yes, here in America we do have people living in poverty. We also have economic problems that need to be acknowledged and dealt with by our elected officials. However, downsizing to a Chevy or skipping your double tall fat free vanilla latte or buying your clothes at Target does not poverty make.

Do you have shelter over your heads? Are your bellies full? Are your children starving?

Do they look like this?

Or this?

(I cannot even begin to describe the utter sadness I feel when I see pics like these)

Maybe you've downsized into an apartment, or smaller house?

Can't afford to buy organic? Food prices skyrocketing?

Please brothers and sisters, don't forget those who are truly in need this Ramadan. Give charity to those who truly suffer, those we turn our backs on every day, month after month, year after year. Please take a moment and put this all into perspective and thank Allah swt for all the blessings he has bestowed on you.

http://www.islamicreliefusa.org/home

[2:267] O you who believe, you shall give to charity from the good things you earn, and from what we have produced for you from the earth. Do not pick out the bad therein to give away, when you yourselves do not accept it unless your eyes are closed. You should know that Allah is Rich, Praiseworthy.

[2:274] Those who give to charity night and day, secretly and publicly, receive their recompense from their Lord; they will have nothing to fear, nor will they grieve.

And Allah Knows Best

My baby started having seizures :(

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:30:00 +0000

I posted this on my other blog but I wanted to post it here too so you all could please make dua for my son.

Last night I noticed my little one would tense up and throw his arms up very similar to a startle reflex. This happened in a very repetitive manner for a time lasting approx. 4 minutes. I knew right away this had to be some type of seizure activity. It happened again later in the night and I actually had the presence of mind to videotape part of the episode.

In the mean time I got out my handy dandy "Babies with DS" book and looked up the chapter on epilepsy. It said the most common type of seizure in babies with DS is called an infanile spasm. My husband and I felt our hearts sink as we looked at some videos out there on the internet of kids having infantile spasms and it looked exactly like those our baby had.

Obviously this morning I called my pedi first thing and after seeing the video and examaning him she also felt that was probably what is going on. We'll be getting an EEG, possibly an MRI and an appointment with a neurologist either tomorrow or Monday (prob. Monday).

He's had 3 more episodes over the course of the day (my pedi also knows about those). I feel like I'm on pens and needles waiting for another one to happen. He gets really grumpy and fussy afterwards also. Apparently this type of epilepsy can be quite damaging and sometimes hard to control. Fortunately, at least from what I've read, our kids tend to respond well to the treatments.

From what I was told the treatment for thses types of seizures are ACTH. I don't know much about this. I also think I read that they have to be admitted to the hospital for these treatments but I'm not sure.

Please keep us in your dua's.

Learning Arabic...It's HARD!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:22:00 +0000

After 5 years of being Muslim my Arabic is still painfully lacking. I took an Arabic course at our masjid and managed to learn the alphabet and how to read but never really learned any vocabulary. We know as Muslims, we should strive to learn as much Arabic as we can. Alhumdullilah through the many Islamic lectures out there, especially those by Shayk Hamza Yusuf whose mastery of the subtleties of the language is astounding, I've been given a glimpse of the beauty and nuances of the very fabric of our Book. One of the greatest miracles of the Quran lies in the language and I just want to be able to experience that first hand.

My husband's Arabic, but unfortunately, is horrible teacher. I love him dearly, but whenever I ask him to explain some type of grammatical concept, or even how to pronounce something, he just makes my head spin and then looks at me like he just can't understand why I can't hear the difference between kha, ha, and hha. I mean seen and saad sound nothing alike, right? Not!

So I've got my seven year old in a Quran class at the masjid and right now he's just learning the basics of Arabic. I literally have to drag him out of the door to get him to go to class. My hope is inshallah, my kids will at least have some working knowledge of the language and a good number of surah's under their belt by the time they reach adulthood.

We also do Islamic Studies at home, which he really enjoys, so I decided I needed to sit down with him and work more on his Arabic, and hopefully brush up on my own.
We started going over his lessons and much to my chagrin I realized I had forgotten at least half of the alphabet. With a little help from my husband we managed to get through the alphabet and even were reading some basic words.

It was a lot of fun for both of us. Inshallah, I hope to continue our lessons together. My son loves the idea, that soon he'll know more than me. I told him that within a couple of years he'll be teaching me which made him laugh with glee!

So one of my Ramadan resolutions is to improve my arabic and also memorize more Quran. I've also got Nathan excited about really trying to fast for the first time especially on the weekends when he's home with me.

I Wanna Be Type A

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 07:29:00 +0000

I wanna be anal retentive at least when it comes to house work. I want a pefectly decorated, immaculately clean, beautiful home with a manicured and finely landscaped yard.

It seems like I spend so much time cleaning and working on the house, and yet it's always a mess. I get it really cleaned up and swear I'm going to keep it that way, and the next thing I know it's a giant pigsty again. Don't get me started on the outside. The lawn is brown, the flowers barely alive and the garden in desperate need of weeding.

I'm type B about everything except work. I work with critically ill patients and missing even the smallest detail can lead to death and disaster. At home, though I'm laid back, follow no real schedule, and do everything fly by the seat of my pants.

I'm really starting to get on my own nerves. I don't even begin to know how to organize this chaotic mess that is the result of 6 human beings living under the same roof. Don't get me wrong, the house isn't dirty or anything, but there's always some room that is a total disaster. Right now there's 3. The laundry room, the girl's room, and the master bathroom.

My husband once offered to get us a live in nanny a couple days a week to clean and watch the kids while I sleep ( I work 3rd shift and keep very erratic hours). I totally went off and said no way in heck am I having another woman come into this house and do my cleaning and take care of my kids. I'm such an idiot. I only work 25-30 hours a week so I should have plenty of time to do it myself. And I'm way to independent to have anyone else do it for me.

Any suggestions? Can this hopeless type B turn herself into an A? I guess I could start by getting my butt off the computer and getting to work...

OK it's not that bad. I do have some pride ya know.

I Started A Down Syndrome Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Stephanie) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 05:47:00 +0000

I decided to start a seperate blog relating to Down syndrome parenting and related issues. Having a child with Down syndrome is an incredibly enriching experience with it's own set of challenges. I hope to connect with other people in the community whose knowledge and advice is priceless in this journey of mine. So if you'd like please feel free to pop in and join me if you'd like to learn more about the beauty of children with Down Syndrome. Of course I might be cross posting here especially brags and cute pics. Here's the link
http://muslimmamadsblog.blogspot.com