Tonight at the iftar at our masjid I noticed a fellow sister all alone in the corner. I had noticed her before, at a previous iftar. I'm not sure why, at the time, I though she was perhaps working for a caterer as sometimes people who sponser the meals use caterers to help with the event. Tonight I noticed her, sitting maybe ten feet behind me, all alone.
When I got the chance and she walked by where I was sitting, a reached out to her and gave her my salams. I introduced myself and made small talk. I smiled at her. I introduced her to a few other good sisters I know. I'm not a super extroverted person and often find myself awkward in new social situations. Perhaps, this is why I'm sensitive to new members in the community; I had such a hard time fitting in after I converted.
I'm not sure why new people in the community don't get welcomed in a proper way and and made to feel part of the community. It seems when attending events, everyone cloisters themselves into their own little groups, often separated by nationality and cultures. Newcomers often don't even get a second glance, a smile, a "Salam Alaikum". I do hate to make the comparison, but it is in the extreme opposite of what I found pre-conversion at Christian churches, where newcomers were welcomed, phone numbers exchanged, and smiles and hello's in abundance.
So remember our sister's, new converts, or just new to your community. If you notice someone alone at an event make an attempt to say hello and remember even a smile is sadaqa, inshallah.
9 comments:
You're absolutely right. It's odd isn't it? I hear this complaint by converts a lot and it's a shame Muslims aren't more welcoming. Every mosque should have a welcoming committee!
I don't think this is even a problem for only converts. Since I moved to Holland I've been terrified of going to a mosque because of the reactions I might get. I've heard so many negative stories about this issue so I've just kind of not taken that step yet, even though I would love to be part of a community.
that was great of you! How did she react? was she happy someone talked to her?
I agree with Mona about a welcoming committee, this would be great. One issue though is that it appears that there is a seniority club in the mosque...I don't know if anyone else knows what I am talking about. It feels that people have been there longer get stuck in the mindset that they don't want someone coming in and shaking things up...especially a CONVERT.
As a convert i had the same thing...I eventually posted an ad asking for a sister to teach me the basic and for friendship etc. Met a great great sister, and masha'Allah, she is still a strong force behind pushing other sisters in our community to reach out to Converts.
Also, when I was sick, I had sisters lining up to do anything I needed. And they kept reminding me that it was their "duty". I like that, the knowledge that what we do is for the sake of Allah.
Great post Stephanie, and may Allah reward you for your effort.
I think that's one of the hardest things to overcome when joining a new community. I've found, in the various communities I've joined, that there are cliques and, astaghfirullah, separations. You know, "this sister did this to so and so, so we don't talk to her or her group." (And unfortunately, it's always about petty stuff. The one time a sister DID put me in physical danger, no one had said a word in fear of gheeba.)
(I eventually found a group of sisters who were so open, kind, warm, and welcoming that it makes me sad I moved.)
MashaAllah, I'm sure the sister appreciated you so much. We could all use good sisters :D Keep up the good work!
salam steph, i could just HUG you for doing that for her. i know how she feels. im the only revert and only american in our mosque believe it or not. the other ladies like me and they love to crowd around me from time to time and ask questions but for the most part, im that lady alone in the corner. sometimes its just too lonely to even go to the masjid and i just stay home.
you did a wonderful thing.
and salma, what a wonderful idea!! putting up an ad searching for a sister. thats great!!
I just want to point out that it's not always reverts that get this treatment. Many a times I've been the girl sitting all alone. I like your post because it addresses a problem we have in our ummah, but I feel like we divide the people only into 2 categories: reverts who are unwelcomed and snotty muslims who don't welcome others. There's a whole large group of us who are born and raised Muslim but don't belong to either of those groups.
bleh...I'm pretty sure my comment makes no sense and I just need to have a coffee with chocolate cake to freshen up :-P
Salam Alaikum--
Mona-I used to be part of a welcoming committee but the couple who were organizing it at the time became disalllusioned with the community, and kind of backed away from it (go figure)
CLA--You can do it sis, although it may be hard at first. You never know you may get lucky and find some really great sister right off, inshallah.
Cecelia--I don't know, yeah she seemed pretty friendly. For sure it must have been a relief to have someone talk to you after sitting alone.
Salma--i think the masjid might still have a welcoming committee but I'm just busy with kids etc, and I'm not sure how active they are. I just wish people could stop being so damned petty all the time.
Noor--Glad you've found some sisters you like. i've not really seen too much backbiting, but I kept myself at a little bit of a distance since those early days. just have a group of sisters that I know and trust.
JanaZ--Aww :( Yeah I think it's just natural for people to want to form cliques with others of their own cultures. Inshallah, youl'll find some sisters you can truly be friends with.
Baji--I agree. Actually this sister wasn't a revert I don't think.
That was very nice of you. May Allah reward you!
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